wiitangclan: its going to be march in like a week and it was only christmas a few days ago i swear
mycatsaysmeow1: yesididbringmydog: okay sit down all you hoes and bitches have i got a story for you i was talking this here picture when my dad walked into the room and i managed to get the exact moment and in that moment, i made eyecontact with my father and saw all hope for his child leave his eyes. This really deserves more than 200 notes
Me with romantic interest: Hi, how've you been lately? How's that project you're working on? Yeah? I'd love to see sometime, dude! How's the family? Good, good. Well, I'll talk to you later! Yeah we definitely need to hang out more often. Hopefully see you soon! :)
Me with platonic friend: YOU GORGEOUS CREATURE HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE LAST I SAW YOU? HOW I'VE MISSED YOUR LUCID DIAMOND EYES, UGH I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECTLY SCULPTED, ARE YOU AN ANGEL MADE OF MARBLE LET'S GET MARRIED.
troyesivan: do you ever fangirl so hard that you just embarrass yourself. alone. in your room. one time I thought I wanted to rip my legs off
lilmotel: envyadams: today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”
jennifer lawrence: *trips*
everyone: omg that's ok bb lol u so cute ahh
kristen stewart: *limps*
everyone: omg dis bitch can u like gtfo
My name is not Annie. It’s Quvenzhane.– 9-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis, correcting the AP Reporter who said she was “just going to call her Annie.” (via shereader)
Argument I heard on the bus
Guy 1: no, niggah, gay bros can raise babies. Look at that warthog motherfucker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And that niggah became king of motherfucking Africa.
imnotsorrymsjackson: Meryl Streep is like the Glen Coco of the Oscars and Leo Dicaprio is like Gretchen Wieners.
batgirl2014: gingeritt: coffeeafterdark: I...
yourhogwartsletter: karenandthababes: can you imagine if I order a pizza from pizza hut, dominos, and papa johns and told them to be at my house by a certain time and they all came at the same time do you know how awkward that would be #gentlemen #I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today #I’m here to talk to you about the Pizza Initiative #the only...
multishipperpirateking: lusture: lusture: omg I’m at work and a group of like 13 year old girls come in and order their lattes or whatever and one girl is like can you Instagram this with all our names on it? and her friend is like ya totally and so I may have put a q in the middle of all of their names so they got their coffee and were like “omg what the hell we can’t take a picture of...
bahorel: who even watched shrek the movie and was like ah yes truly bound for broadway
iswearimnotadumbblonde: iswearimnotadumbblonde: iswearimnotadumbblonde: iswearimnotadumbblonde: iswearimnotadumbblonde: MY DAD JUST WALKED IN WEARING A KILT HE SAW MY PHONE AND RAN AWAY DAMNIT wait shhh shhh SHHHHHHHHH he’s standing in the hallway DAMNIT we made an agreement, i can get a picture of him if im in it with him because “if this goes viral on the internet i want you to...
221cbakerstreet: let-it-221b: mrcrusoe: tardisintheimpala: flomation: underplay: hey you stop scrolling and just look at this picture of a baby giraffe okay that’s all carry on my wayward son there’ll be peace when you are done lay your weary head to rest That’s not a giraffe. … don’t you cry no more
floralnymph: do you ever just feel so awkward when you buy something and pay in cash and the cashier gives you the change back but you take a few seconds to put the money in your wallet and you can feel the world judging you from afar
tvgropes: the english language may be difficult to learn but at least we dont insist on assigning genders to inanimate objects
mrmoesyzlak: i don’t care if deadmau5 is meant to be pronounced deadmouse he’s deadmaowfive to me
nicklangsthighs: elisabethdarcy: THOSE TATTOOS THAT HAVE AN ANCHOR AND SAY ‘I REFUSE TO SINK’ ARE SO STUPID DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT ANCHORS ARE LITERALLY SUPPOSED TO SINK THAT’S THE POINT OF THEM IF YOU WANT A TATTOO THAT SAYS THAT MAKE THE PICTURE BE OF A POOL NOODLE OR SOME FLOATIES OR SOMETHING
If you're alone this Valentine's day just remember
salmiakkivodka: St. Valentine is not only the patron saint of love, marriage, and happy couples But also of beekeepers, epilepsy, plague, and not fainting. So eat some honey while thanking St. Valentine that you do not have the plague.
alltime-random: bermud-4: That thing that cats do that when they are being controlled by satan. THE FUCKING LAST ONE Someone call a vet….I think the last one is having a fuckin seizure LOL i laughed for like 3 fucking years WHAT IS AIR
josiahfiles: josiahfiles: i have 99 problems and they are all dalmation puppies. someone help me the other two dalmations are pongo and perdita, and they are not a problem because they are responsible adults